cigfingers

cigfingers @ 2008-02-03T21:29:00

2008-02-04T03:29:40Z

hey so i'm just tryingt o learn self control right now. i'm really struggling so if anyone could give some advice that woudl be amazing,.

cigfingers @ 2008-01-07T16:49:00

2008-01-07T22:50:19Z

today i'm really happy
i ate some cookies for lunch
and after school i walked three miles!
very happy about that
and had a salted nut roll

hopefully 135 in a week

hey

2008-01-06T21:25:35Z

so i haven't been on in forever but i'm doing okay. i keep going up in my weight.
about a week ago i was at 151 which really killed me.. and today i'm at 144. i can't wait to see the 130's again
peace babies

poem And I Don't

2007-12-21T02:55:12Z

I can see us walking together
you know. somewhere down the road
i can see us talking and shirking the day
you pick me up, and and i feel so low

eye can see you smiling my way
and talking the way i do
i can see it. oh, oh, can't you?

i can see us going to lake michigan
and walking the navy pier
and you know thats the place i found myself
i found myself. the lake too clear

eye can see, eye can see
us
well we'll make it now
lets go to the ocean
bus train, it don't matter how.
lets go baby anywhere
don't be scared
(have no fear)
lets go
anywhere

but here.

The Shit I Write. Enjoy (PYRO)

2007-12-21T02:48:29Z

so FUCK facebook. i can't be HONEST there esp in the way i write. because i'm so SCARED of being called. EMOtional

Pyro, pyro
hands on fire
this is how i dance with you

trees, trees,
dead dead trees
this is how i. how i please

i don't want to be
don't want to be alone
don't want to go home

home is just an empty room
filled with candles and
blood blood red walls
and books, shelves
they just listen to the windows call

pyro pyro
hands on fire
this is what you call me when
you're scared and don't know what
to say.

pyro pyro hands
they're fire
lips of steel
my heart don't feel
pyro pyro

cigfingers @ 2007-12-19T17:24:00

2007-12-19T23:25:25Z

today was good. had my hnrs humanities and hnrs anatomy and phys. finals today. i think i did okay. i've been talking to my buddy alot more so i'm feeling
better.
but yeah.
today i ate some pretzels. and a fruit roll up. and a tiny granola bar. and then i went for a 2/3 mile run/walk..
now i'm having coffee
and my sis is home. finalyl

cigfingers @ 2007-12-18T15:50:00

2007-12-18T21:53:25Z

so today went pretty alrite, it's finals week so i'm stressing.
i made it to my one month of sobriety so i'm happy about that
eva is pissing me off..and shes being a really shitty friend
today i ate
a piece of cake for breakfast
oreo package (the 100cal ones) for lunch
rice krispie bar
then came home and had two huge pieces of cake..
but i purged that right when i was done
and i plan on having like some beans or somethin healthy for dinner.
so a grand total of like..
450 cal.
not bad but not really good.
any tips?

okay so for real this time

2007-12-11T19:48:33Z

so.
i don't know what to do, at all. all i can think of doing is fucking up again and just eating or getting drunk and i know that won't solve my problems. i've been cutting alot more lately even tho i'm supposed to be happier, everyone is telling me that i seem it. i must just be a fantastic liar. i miss ALEX so fucking much, the last few nights i can't stop thinking about him, i sent him a text to tell him i made it thirty days clean and sober and he didn't even respond. i really don't know.. but theres this new guy joe/trevor and he's really sweet and cute and likes me alot but i am having some trouble letting everything go okay. he left his hoodie in my locker and asked me to wash it for him over the weekend.. i ended up sleeping in it last night so i could smell it. maybe thats dumb i really don't know.
shit
tits
ass

fuck

2007-12-11T19:34:21Z

so all i can think about right now is sex and food.
i really want to get laid, and i really want to binge but i 'm going to do neither
getting laid involves calling someone that is no good for me..and eating. well. thats just a terrible idea
this morning i had grapes for breakfast..and i had a half piece of choco cake. (eek) really tempted to fuckin just p it all up but we'll see.. i probably won't.
i think i'm gonna go sit and watch some malcolm in the middle. =the shit btw.
but
idk. fuck. i really want some coke or something... something good an strong.
hit me up
peace

today

2007-12-09T23:19:18Z

so today went fairly well. i didn't eat too much...
a couple of cookies that were p/d..then coffee and lots of water..a taco, and a small serving of steamed spinach. i still feel fat. today i lost two pounds and am at 142 :(. only twelve pounds to go wish me luck

What Do You Have To Say? - You Make Me Feel Like Writing

2007-12-09T20:04:48Z

What inspires you to write?

Brought to you by HP

View 435 Answers

What inspires the words to flow through my fingers,
the grey on the page as the sounds drop and linger.
this is my only blank canvas
a place to be true to be more, to be less
than the moments that fill each dry day
as the snowflakes fall higher and the limbs break and play.
this is my open my open my breath
this is what makes me thrive this is all i have left.
when i feel like i'm breaking or i've already cracked
and its past superglue point this is the end of the slack..
pick up my pen
pick up my pen
beckon the day,
let the morning begin for
this is my way, my chance, my shot,
this is my everything..all that i've got

ugh. 145

2007-12-09T19:37:17Z

so i've been sober a little under thirty days now and all i want to do is infect my mind with something. i've been off my depression meds for about two weeks and i'm thinking about just killing myself. i've recently taken to binging and purging. more purging than binging but for now this excites me and gives me something to look forward to each and every day. muah enjoy